How Addiction Happens

Question by Eric C: Wife is an addict, what now…?
Ok any attempt to keep this short will fail but i’ll try to use bullet points to minimize length. I am a very intelligent person, street smart, been around the block many times… I pretty much know what i have to do and could give someone else the best advice ever, i just have too many heart strings tied to this to do what i need to do and may just need a push.. I married a woman 1 yr ago after only dating her for 4 months… She told me that she was a recovering addict from xanex and other types of pills and the reason she was using so much is because her ex-fiancee had hung himself in front of her and it was so traumatizing to her. I believed it, she was anit-drug, anti-alcohol. I was very VERY naive to what “addiction” was and the depth and destruction it causes. My friends have been weed users growing up and some of them even did cocaine socially as part of the nightlife but I had never seen or experienced what actual drug addiction was so i wasnt worried so much… We started dating and things were awesome, we are both in our late twentys, and we’re both very attractive, she is model beautiful (which is a curse for her) but anyways, the longer we dated the less i cared about her past addictions and if she had a backache i wouldnt care if she took a vicodin and if she was having anxiety i would get her a xanex, never crossed my mind that it would be a problem and now i know how manipulating addicts can be… Anyways, i got her a job at my fathers country club, waiting tables and she seemed to like it but i would notice her coming home drunk or with alcohol on her breathe. When we first started dating she would still sometimes attend the AA or whatever meetings but they quickly trailed off, but i wondered why if she was anti-alcohol she would be drinking, when i confronted her about it my disaster began… Get ready because things are about to get very very ugly. We got in a physical fight ! Which out of all my relationships, only the relationship right before this one had ever been physical, and i’d never hit a girl until my last girlfriend who literally hit me over 50 times, i finally hit her back and i think she only hit me a few times after that… Anyways, she slapped me and i slapped her back, then a few weeks later my sisters prescription came up missing and on new years eve 09′ we got in another huge fight, she was kicking me in my face while i was driving, telling me she cheated on me 3 times, trying to jump out of the car, going completely crazy, i pulled over and drug her out of the car by her hair, and told her i’d kill her if she didnt stop kickin me in my face and being so crazy (she was driving me crazy and im typically not) so after that, there was a lot of really really appologetic feelings towards eachother, she stepped down from the country club job, we flew to Jamaice and got married… She had promised to never drink or take a pill again, i believed her, and we went on… Kari is bi-sexual and ive always been a sexual guy so we would always talk about having another woman, and we did twice and both times it ended horribly in huge fights and always gets brought up as a reason for her usage etc… Both times were with different friends of hers, she initiated it, set it up, and orchestrated the entire situation while the girls were there, but now says she only did it because i would not mind her drinking or taking xanex if a girl was coming over… Which i did sitll mind, but she would manipulate everything… ugh, anyways. Im only giving these really horrible details because I could hear her now reading this if i didnt saying to me “why dont you put in there about new years, or why dont you put in there about the other girls” so i wanted to make that very clear… Anyhow, she has a 10 yr old son that lives an hour away from where we lived, after she had stolen pills from my sister (whom we were splitting a house with) we moved a block away from her son, she had told me after her ex-fiance killed himself, she was so distraught that her son went to stay with her mom… So she expressed deep pain for the situation and always wanted to see him so i moved us up there, got a house 1 block from her son, and Kari became pregnant. Worst mistake I had ever made moving her back to that town. She began hanging out with her old friends while i was at work, i would come home and she would be rewashing clothes, house would be spotless and she would be FLYING around the house zinging here and there like a mad person. I would find her up at 3,4,5,6 a.m. smoking like over a pack of cigarettes rocking back and forth making bead necklaces and listening to blasting music, eyes bloodshot in desperate need of sleep but not tired, and just mentally being wierd and crazy… i would catch her lying literally EVERY DAY about where she was, or why she was hiding money etc… BLah blha blah, anyways, i found pills around the house all the time, weed pipes, crushed up xanex, vicodins, etc… While she was pregnan

Best answer:

Answer by Talk
i didn’t read all of it, but if your wife is an addict than i suggest you ask her to go to rehab, she is your wife and if you love her, try to stand by her, but sometimes that person may always be addicted, just got to have abit of hope and faith

i’m really sorry to hear about this but i think its best to ask a professional doctor or rehab clinic for some help.

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