Anti Porn and Anti Masturbation, but Pro Sex?
Question by midnight picnic: Anti Porn and Anti Masturbation, but Pro Sex?
My boyfriend and I spend all our time together, we make each other laugh, and love and respect each other. We love sex, we have a healthy sex life. He scarcely has the need to utilize porn.. my problem is this:
He says when I am not there for a a few days he will need to masturbate and use pornography. I used to be ‘porn no, masturbation ok’, which he said he would do, but now I asked of him to not masturbate at all. (he said no-way). Over time I learned that there are many men who had successfully cut porn from their life and feel happier, healthier and far more active than they did before. Now I feel that masturbation is unnecessary.
I have never craved or desired porn/masturbation. Masturbation is amazing, but I don’t do it because I don’t want/need to. And for a long time, I really thought only women could achieve happiness and satisfaction with their life, without masturbation and porn. However we are all capable of this. Men and women won’t die if they don’t masturbate, from what I’ve learned from myself and other women and men out there. We don’t have to watch people do absurd things. And if you are in a healthy relationship, why observe when you can participate, right?
My boyfriend says, (in so many words) he is not addicted to pornography, but he’ll utilize it when he wants/needs to. What hurts me is his lack of principle; he is neutral about it. I’ve tried to explain that my feelings are damaged when he thinks that porn is appropriate. I feel less special. Our sex is less valuable. No one is forcing the ignorant young women in porn to do what they do, but nor are you being given no choice. When he says I should stop feeling so insecure and that porn and masturbation don’t mean anything, I always feel like a masturbation tool.
He tells me he doesn’t care about strangers (the women in the porn)… but, so why does he need it and get defensive when I talk about it? If its really ‘nothing’ then why have you used to for a third of your life? I just can’t be hurt anymore, and I want to be taken seriously and have my thoughts and feelings considered in a loving conversational way. There are many reasons that porn hurts, but this quote can describe accurately an idea of my dismay: “When I ask men who are sex addicts if they would want their wife or daughter to be in porn, 100 percent say, ‘NO.’ They want it to be somebody else’s wife or daughter. They know this material is damaging.” – Dr. Layden
… Its so selfish what men like this put women through. As humans, we want everything, we just don’t want to pay for it.
Its been difficult to articulate how I feel about “sex addiction” etc (porn doesn’t mirror sex…). My initial emotion with porn was difficult to verbally express being so intense, “I don’t like this, and I just don’t know why?”. Suppose if I don’t know, then it doesn’t make sense for me to not like something, so move on. Then suppress. Then porn will present itself again in a relationship. I’d try to enjoy it (i can see why it is addictive, it strips all reality from sex), I’ve tried to lie to myself about it by telling myself I was too sensitive, as guys would say to convince me. It has taken many years for me to finally admit to myself that pornography is detrimental to my health. Its difficult being honest about something that most women find acceptable in a relationship, it seems. But I can’t quite tolerate what is the ‘norm’ these days. My boyfriend doesn’t watch porn ten times a day, but he doesn’t want to lose it. I can’t condone it, ever.
Am I going about this the right way? Am I being being unfair to him? If I stay will I be unfair to myself?
Thank you 🙂
Best answer:
Answer by Jack B
man let the poor guy be
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