Critique My New Poem, Please! (Long, but Very Easy Read)?
Question by Alan Wilson: critique my new poem, please! (long, but very easy read)?
Ever since you stormed my brain
No matter what I try
I have this nag, this constant pain
That never seems to die
It started as it often does
I met you through a friend
I ‘member thinking “what’s the buzz?
Could life you really mend?”
If I knew then what I do now
I would have turned you down
But interest in you raised my brow
As friends vouched all around
Fairly soon you had sucked me in
And always cheered my mood
With each encounter I would grin
But soon that would conclude
As time I spent with you progressed
My joy for you turned cold
You made me feel at one point blessed
But quickly you got old
Well now the view I have of you
Has spiraled into scorn
And since then that scorn grew and grew
Til inside I felt torn
Oh the hate I feel for you
You long and slender stick,
You smell like a** and taste like poo
And often make me sick
I should have listened to my dad
When he warned “addiction”
But I ignored him as a lad
Figured it was fiction
Today I’m grown and in a hole
I’ve dug myself in deep
I feel I’ve lost most all control
Escape’s beyond my leap
I feel you taunting my weak will
In times of great distress
You must possess enormous skill
To coax from me a “yes”
And though I hate thee oh so much
I cannot help but feel
That when I need you in my clutch
I always strike a deal
I tell myself “this one’s my last!”
And love the satisfaction
But once you’re gone and in the past
I’m saddened by inaction
Oh the grip you have on me
It burns me up inside
I wish so much you’d leave me be
There’s nowhere I can hide
“It’s all upstairs, it’s in my head”
I tell myself each day
Yet when the need begins to spread
Again I’m made your pray
I’m sure deep down that I am strong
Though now for you I yearn
I am your b*tch, but not for long
Cuz soon the tides will turn
To find resolve I make a list
Of qualities I hate
For start you make me super pissed
But more is on this plate
You slowly sap away my health
And cause my throat much pain
Because of you I’m bleeding wealth
And yellow, teeth you stain
I’ve seen you kill, I’ve seen you maim
You dirty little snake
I have no doubt that you’re to blame,
Destruction’s in your wake
This is the case, there’s no excuse
I’ve pondered for great length
Your soothing smog will not seduce
I finally found my strength
So f**k the urge, it’s not a joke,
Cuz now that I’m in debt
I’ll never, ever, ever smoke
Another cigarette
…until I make some cash
Best answer:
Answer by cassie58
Didn’t realise you were talking abouts cigarettes until the seventh stanza and I was hooked by then (excuse the pun) to finish the poem. I enjoyed this read and hope that you have managed to kick the habit
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