How Addiction Happens

Question by kat: Fiancé’s out of control addiction?
He has had a drug problem for the past 7 years. He always gets clean and then relapses. Rehab doesn’t work for everyone. It has failed him every time. Our wedding is in a few weeks and he refuses to postpone it. I am afraid he might be a danger to the kids, although he has never laid a dangerous hand on any of them. He has no desire to get clean unless he sees the kids and me every day. I love him too much for this to happen again. How can I help him? What should I do? Thanks and God bless.
Izanull– my parents abandoned me as a child so you are not entirely correct

I don’t think I was very clear. When he was sober he said he wanted to marry me before anything could ever happen. He is like the perfect guy while sober. I want to do everything I can for him. I think it would be easier if we went on with the wedding while we go through this.
he’s been my best friend for since I was 12. I can’t just leave him. I know he loves us. I need him. My first husband killed himself. I can’t leave the one I love after going through everything I have. I don’t want him to go through that. I need him.

Best answer:

Answer by Singinganddancing
You should call off the wedding if you do not want to marry an addict. As a mother I can’t see how you would have a choice.

Saying that “he refuses to postpone the wedding” gives him way too much power. Or what? You HAVE to marry him? Well, you don’t. And as the only responsible adult in this family and relationship, I would think you’d have no choice but to call it off. Your kids are your first responsibility.

Your job is not to give him a reason for getting clean, or living, or anything at all. He needs to want that for himself. Leave him and save yourself and your children. Give him a chance to save himself.

Answer by ????
Simple enough

You want to help him?

Okay!
This is what you do:
when you have time at night
drive him to a ghetto area
where drugs and prostitutes infested
And see for himself how they live their lives with
no tomorrow and society don’t give a darn about them
And ask him if that is the life he wants to live
If he says yes?

Let him be!
When drug sucks the living hell of of him
And nobody would care for him
Or even take a glance at him
All because of drug
And when he crawls back into your arms
with no self esteem and broke
Then you reject him
Then he would learn his lesson of how drug abused

If he wants to be a waste of society
Let him be
You take the kid and get out of his life

Lonely and no money
See how would he deal with it?

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