How Can I Make My Intro Better for My Essay on Technology?
Question by SweetyPieCakes82: How can i make my intro better for my essay on Technology?
The revolution of technology has completely changed our lives forever. Technology has given us a new lifestyle we can no longer live without. Providing us with plenty of accommodations that make our lives a lot more convenient. Despite these advantages, we have become so dependent on technology that we do not realize its harm. Technology is negatively affecting our social lives, our health, and employment.
Best answer:
Answer by Dr. SC1ence
(1) I wouldn’t write “completely changed,” since technology hasn’t change EVERY aspect of human life.
(2) I wouldn’t write “changed our lives forever,” since FOREVER is a long time, and sounds imprecise and grandiose. I’d write something like “Modern technology has had a profound impact on the way we live.”
(3) This sentence is, I believe, grammatically incorrect: “Providing us with plenty of accommodations that make our lives a lot more convenient.” I can’t tell you the name of the rule of grammar involved, but I think the sentence needs to be re-written into something like this: “Technology provides us with plenty of accommodations that make our lives a lot more convenient.” The problem is using the “providing” verb form in the way you did.
(4) Perhaps I’d re-write sentence 4 to something like this: “Despite these advantages, many of us have failed to perceive how this technology is harming us.” I removed “we have become so dependent on technology.” Why? Because your original sentence implies that people are not realizing the harm of technology because they have become dependent. To me, that is a point to develop, explain and justify in the body of your essay. That’s the issue of how and why people aren’t perceiving the harmful aspects of this technology. In the body of your essay, this really seems to come in three logical parts. FIRST, establish the fact that this technology is causing harm. SECOND, establish the fact that many or most people are not aware that this technology is causing them harm. THIRD, present facts and analysis (your own analysis or that of others) that suggests reasons why people are not perceiving the harm they are suffering from this technology. You seem to be suggesting that people are getting “addicted” to technology just as some people get addicted to alcohol and then can’t see the harm that their alcohol use is causing them. But is the “addiction” analogy really accurate? Or are most people just happy with the tradeoff they get with technology. Maybe they ARE aware of the drawbacks, but think the gain is worth it. Well, that’s for you to research, decide and discuss.
(5) In your into, I’d be more specific about exactly which technology you are talking about. I think you are referring to computer-based and Internet-based technology such as smart phones, tablets, laptop computers, computer games, Facebook, texting, tiny video recorders people use to spy on each other, and so on. To me, “technology” is too vague and broad, even if most readers would guess what you are talking about. The modern world has many modern technologies, such genetically-altered food, advanced medicines, nuclear reactors, drone attack aircraft–but I don’t think your essay is dealing with those technologies.
Hope that helped. Good luck.
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