How Addiction Happens

Question by B.: I feel so alone and so out of options..?
I’ve been seeing a special counselor. She’s in training so anything I tell her still has to be kept secret except if she thinks Im harming myself or someone is harming/ harmed me. I was raped sometime ago. No one believed me. So I guess after things got pilled ontop of that and everything got worse, I started cutting. Now its like an addiction. I cant not do it for very long. When I dont cut, I cant sleep and I get very irritable. I can’t tell my counselor these things but these are what actually bother me. In our sessions, she keeps hinting that she knows what happened to me. By saying things such as “Maybe you’re scared of not being in control and closed rooms because you were in a room and didnt have control of what happened.” When she says that I start snapping my hairtie because I get a cutting/nervous urge. She’s noticed that too and asked my opinion on self mutilating teens. I feel very uncomfortable when she makes assumptions. Lastly, my sister thinks I’m perfect like her. The thing is, she doesnt like my best friend because she’s lesbian. I might be lesbian. I’ve felt like I have since I was really young and after what happened to me with a man I dont think I could ever be with one. So my sister doesnt want me starting to cut(too late), being lesbian(uhhhh), hanging out with my best friend, doing drugs, or doing anything. My sister asked if I was lesbian and I lied to her. Just lied. Now all of this has built up and I have NO ONE to tell. I cant tell my counselor, my best friend, or my sister. So I feel alone. I dont want to be depressed again. Please. Help. Ideas. Suggestions. Whatever you have I need it.

Best answer:

Answer by Gwen
Write about it like it happened to someone else.
Hey, and you should tell your friend too. If she’s real – and as a general rule, lesbians tend to be more trustworthy and less b*tchy than other girls – then she can be there for you.

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